Day of Epiphany

Today is the celebration of the Epiphany. Or rather, it’s the day the old kitchen witch brings gifts for good kids or fills stockings with coal for the naughty ones. And traditionally, this has been the Big Day for little kids, up until not very long ago when Good St. Nick finally overtook her market share. After all, who could make it against a rosy-cheeked guy with reindeer and elves? Even though I thought La Befana might make a comeback post-Harry Potter, with her broomstick and all.But, I think La Befana’s image issue is actually representative of a deep-seated marketing problem which besets all of Italy.  Sure, everyone associates Italy with beautiful things, fast cars, and Pavarotti’s voice, but luxury goods aside, the Italians still haven’t quite caught the hang of brand imaging for everything else. Think about it: Jolly ol' St. Nick? Although originally hailing from Myrna (by some sources), he became Italian and gained sainthood there after all.  And yet, the guy’s gift-giving habit will forever more be associated with Laplanders and the North Pole. All because of shrewd branding by the guys who gave us Nokia [although it was Antonio Meucci or even Innocenzo Manzetti who actually invented the telephone].  Heck, even Google owes its engine to an Italian inventor.

Take our long-nosed Befana, for example: 

A scary old gift-bearing witch is the figure they chose to symbolize the arrival of the Three Wise Men…and to announce that God had come forth in the body of Jesus? My friend’s son here for a visit couldn’t sleep all night – not from anticipation, but from abject fear. Those wily Olde Englishmen - the forefathers of our mass-advertising execs -- already defying the Church with their divorce decrees, caught on to this story, and rebranded her for Halloween. And now trick or treating has taken Europe by a storm. 

[And dare I mention what happened to her when she reached America? Having already turned Halloween into practically a 2-month event including movies, Harry Potter book launches, yard decorations fit for MGM, haunted houses and so many costumes there actually exists a Dept of Halloween in China, it then took the witch, put her in the kitchen so she could stay (and they could sell her) year round.]

And those poor Sicilians steeped in tradition? They didn’t even get the scary witch and her treats to look forward to. Those kids only get 'I Morti', that night between Nov 1st and 2nd when they would be visited by dead relatives in the night. In the morning (if they hadn’t died of fright from boogeymen), they’d find scattered about the balconies or windowsills chestnuts, almonds, nuts, and dried up figs. It’s no wonder the practice never quite took off in the rest of the world despite centuries of migration to and occupation from dozens of other countries. 
Branding, my dear Watsonini. Branding.

Christmas in Naples - Guess who's coming to the Manger?

You gotta hand it to the Neopolitans...centuries of subjugation from foreign overlords, drug lords, and local kings has imbued them with a terrific modus vivenda: a strong sense of humor in the face of so much adversity.  Now I'm not sure how many residents are truly laughing about the garbage crisis redux (excepting the dirty contractors laughing all the way to the banks), but here's the Best of the famed Neopolitan Nativity Scenes has on offer -- even Julian Assange - pc in hand -- has made the grade:

The Magi bringing trash to lay at the feet of Bambin Jesù

Julian, not yet handcuffed, alongside Hilary & Barry

The Holy Family stops for air on the flight from Egypt (clearly, the oxygen masks have dropped due to low cabin pressure)

 

 

 

 

 

Some have commented that perhaps it's all a bit blasphemous, but the fabricators on via San Gregorio Armeno say in their defense that forcing this situation on the residents is altogether blasphemous.  As for me, I like the ones depicting Berlusconi in any number of positions; not that I'd put him in my manger scene, however.

Let's hope that as we celebrate Natale, it's a Rebirth or Renaissance for Bella Napoli.
To read more about via San Gregorio Armeno, click here

Life in Italy: What to get the Italian Lover who has everything?

What to get the Italophile in your life? 

A User's Manual to Life in Italy!

Francesca Maggi takes off her rose-colored glasses and takes on Italy's world-renowned Quality of Life.  Starting with her X Commandments of Life in Italy [Thou shalt not covet thy customer, Thou shall hold La Mamma as your one true omnipresent and omniscient lord of the household], she tackles Italian bureaucracy, drivers, superstitions, traditions, La Mamma and more.  Readers will get a hilarious insider's guide from an outsider's perspective, taking us through the trials and tribulations of life in Bell'Italia.

About the author...Francesca Maggi first came to Italy at the tender age of 4 months.  A return visit at age 6 sealed her fate as she endured the agony and enjoyed the ecstasy of this country of contradictions.  She has been working with Italy for nearly 30 years, 20 of them as a resident while traveling the entire swathe of the Boot and taking in the sights, sounds & society's peccadillos from Trapani to Trieste, from Trento to Taranto.

Illustrations by...Each chapter is introduced by the inimitable witty vignettes of Gianni Falcone, or GianFalco...www.gianfalco.it which are part & parcel of the humor of the book...(including the cover image).  You can see more by Gianni by clicking the main tab on the blog page, Cartoon of the Week...or visiting his blogs on OpenSalon (Just a few Pixels) or Diario Acido.

What they're saying...Francesca Maggi is brilliant -- a modern day critic following in the footsteps of Luigi Barzini's The Italians.  Her stories are at once funny, irreverent and poignant.

OMG - i just read the first few paragraphs of the ''Baby on Board' part of your book! that was hilarious.....       i'm still laughing  ROFL!

Been reading your book and LOVE it!! Great insight and funny, FAMILIAR anecdotes!

Get a signed copy if you purchase the book off the Official Home Page 
Burnt by the Tuscan Sun

http://burntbythetuscansun.blogspot.com

Mozzarella from Naples: Italian Cuisine Good Enough to Eat?

Photo from the excellent website
SaporieRicetti

I am not someone who is paranoid about what I eat, although I am a firm believer in 'You are what you eat'.  I am seemingly intolerant to pretty much everything, but will never refuse a glass of prosecco, a slice of pizza or incredible nibbles that may give me a migraine later.  But, long before the show came out on Italy's toxic 'Terra dei Fuochi' (Scorched Earth - watch on youtube or find link on my Burnt by the Tuscan Sun facebook page) area surrounding Naples, and the place from where many of the gorgeous fruits of that earth abound, I gave up buying anything that I knew came from Campania (except cheese on my pizzas -- I could hardly go back in the cucina and ask where it came from).
After the show aired, about 30% of Italians did the same thing.  We were told that glowing tomatoes were being sold to all the big food cos., we saw old ladies with strawberry fields just below the toxic waste sites and insisting the water feeding her vines was good enough to drink.  We envisioned cows out to pasture with tumors larger than their udders.  So we stayed away.
So, in accordance with the Consortium for Bufala Mozzarella - four Consumer's Assocs., set out to prove everyone's worst fears.  And we were all stunned by the results.
They sent sample packages of mozzarella cheese bought in different parts of the country for testing in a lab in Germany.  They figured (rightly so), that no one would ever trust the results of local labs here in Italy...all it takes is a few slabs of dough in one's palms, I suppose to get the "right" outcome [just like "studies" conducted in the USA and financed by the very cos. they are purported to investigate].  I found this humorous, because along with Austria, these northern neighbors are the same ones who gave us glowing ricotta and blu mozzarella; new varieties the world had never seen.
Turns out, the Neapolitan mozzarella contained five times FEWER dioxins that are accepted by the Board of Health.  Somewhere in the processing, or maybe staying with the Bufalo in the first place, those chemicals that have lit the earth on fire were not getting into our food chain, after all.
This, in my opinion, was very good news.  Naturally, journalists affirmed that...had they been a bit more proactive back in the day - five years ago - when the cat got out of the cheese cloth...well, things would not have fallen so low.  Either way, I now only have to worry about my headaches from yeast when I down another pizza napoletana.

Amazon's Drone Delivery Arrives in Italy

Of course, this title is not true. But when the airwaves were abuzz with the sounds of Drones landing like Hitchcock's The Birds on your doorstep, well...I started fantasizing about what that might just look like in Bell'Italia:

First off, packages might be getting some lift-off in China, where I imagine if you're caught stealing the box outright you will find your head on a post in the piazza by noon the next day.  I even suppose this might work in the U.S. suburbs or rural areas where, should a box be landing on your doorstep, it's not a bad thing (that is, until another UnaBomber decides it's a pretty nifty way to deliver all sorts of evil without passing thru U.S. post offices and their darn stamp machines...).

But, clearly, boastful Bezos & his crew haven't quite conceived of the urban setting or else they never would have bragged about this service on 60 minutes and in markets where most have packages delivered round-the-clock.

The view from your window

Easy as 1-2-3

So, for starters, let's all just relish Amazon's vision for a few moments.  After all, there's not a person in all of Italy who wouldn't want to see mail being delivered to them - at all - drones or not.  [Okay, excepting the mail carriers who don't seem to want to deliver the mail even when they have to - as also featured in my book, in the chapter, The Postman Never Rings Even Once].  In this momentary blissful vision we see the Italian economy jump 6 points because people start ordering things online, rest assured they'll actually be delivered.  Heck - Amazon could even start a new service...Note to Amazon: Check to make sure the thing you ordered hadn't been swiftly substituted with a box of kleenex instead.

But then, bureaucracy rears its ugly head.  After all, who would sign for the package?  Those blips on the economy upswing would be merely temporary as companies far & wide go belly-up due to millions of belly-aching claims to the contrary:  I never rec'd my package.  Please resend or refund [okay, I know the refund is sheer fantasy but we are dreaming, right?) Note to Amazon: Add CCTV camera footage to assure the drop.]  Italian businesses still operate on the stay-at-home-wife for everything; including package delivery and trips to the post office [well, she's not so stay-at-home -- busying herself at the market stalls and passing her formative years in lines at the Post Office]. Packages cannot be left without someone's 'signature' (and I use the term loosely - as loosely as an unintelligible scribble since that's what signatures look like here).

The package gets dropped. Once, while loading up my car in front of my doorman building in my swanky Milanese neighborhood, I set down a huge bag of clothes (within the entryway and just beyond eyeshot of my usually vigilant doorman).  By the time I came downstairs again, the bag and most of its contents had vanished.  I found remnants of my articles strewn down the street; my familiar family of gypsies making off like, well, bandits.  To this day, I still can't decide if I was more upset from getting my clothes stolen, or discovering that some of my prized pieces actually went rejected by the wandering gypsies who took them in the first place.
So, yes, Amazon -- Drone Delivery would be a definite improvement in people's lives.  The hordes of gypsies currently plunging head first into humongous garbage containers like Santa picking out the perfect present -- could set their sticks aside - for good.  They would only have to gaze up in the sky to find their proverbial pennies from heaven dropped at their feet.  Before long, their Flea Markets (in the true sense of the words) would become Amazon outposts -- you could go to the Train Station or around the Vatican and shop to your heart's delight - at bargain prices.  And everything, in spanking new condition.

Imagine that-Amazon's Drone Delivery would actually put the bricks & mortar shops they've so roundly razed back in business.  It might not be a bad thing, after all.

A USA-ITALY Cultural Differences in perspective

While all us (Italian and foreign) dog lovers in Bell'Italia would agree with this poll - and I cite the gazillion dog lovers I meet & greet every day at the parks - Many Italians do not live in urban centers. Dogs are parked in gardens or are strictly utilitarian - for hunting, for truffles, for saving lives, for experimentation or guarding the home or farm animals.  They are loved and respected.  But generally are not allowed near kids or kitchens.  I have a few excerpts in my book, Burnt by the Tuscan Sun dedicated to the health risks of pets interacting with humans.  



One sight you rarely see on Italian portals are these...but they do exist. Just like the Loch Ness monster.

In the USA - 93% consider pets as family
In Italy...it would be interesting to see the statistic

You say tomato...I say toxic waste

Italians have their collective Dolce & Gabbana underwear in a twist over this cheeky advert that came out recently from tomato sauce purveyor, Pomì.  After so many reports, videos, and so much buzz about the fields of tomatoes that are actually smoking from only-San Gennaro-knows-what detritus is buried beneath them, coupled with a Mafia turncoats recent affirmations about the triangle of death where they've dumped nuclear waste and more...Well, I imagine that tomato eating has perhaps gone down.  A farmer on the report by the courageous women of Le Iene said he sold his rotten tomatoes to every major brand in Italy - which then went and turned them into bottled sauces and whatnot.  As for him, he risks his life just cultivating the cancerous fruits - the Lycopersicon symbol of the luscious Mediterranean lifestyle...

So, out came Pomì - in an attempt to squash the rumours...

Some have said that the North is just as polluted as the South - sure, with small particles and especially traffic.  But I'd take those particles sprinkled on my pasta over the stuff that's bubbling just below the earth in Caserta.

Bravo Pomì:  Now, just sign the change.org petition to force the magistrates to reveal the names of all those buyers of these toxic tomatoes. 

A new, similar report has come out on Olive Oil - revealing the not-so-breaking-news that - oops! - the olives aren't really from Italy.  This is something that's been out & about since the 1980s...with a terrific book exposing it Extra Virgin as well.

As for me, my eye-witness report on the olive oil scene is here:  http://burntbythetuscansun.blogspot.it/2010/08/unlocking-secret-of-italian-olive-oil.html