La Grande Bellezza Receives Pulitzer Grand Prize - Journalism's Highest Honor

§  La Grande Bellezza  §

Sorrentino's Oscar-winning & film and tribute to Fellini has been recognized by cultural commentators the world over for giving the world a new nauseating description for italophiles of the 21st century.  The title of his film, displacing the hackneyed La Dolce Vita when referring to every single aspect of Italian life, sweet or not, we now have a new term of phrase.  

According to Google, La Grande Bellezza has already been used in the English and Italian press to describe everything from a night out in Rome to walking tours to Italian runway models and even the Detroit Auto Show - Really?! - over 6.789.438.000 times (and counting).  So much so, the NYTimes is considering mounting a fast-paced time clock just ringing up whenever someone - anyone - from Saskatchewan to Seattle uses the phrase in a blog, article, newsletter, profile, you name it.  A spokesperson for the Times commented, "Well, this is so much more important - I mean, it took centuries for Et Tu, Brutus? to die out.  We think La Grande Bellezza won't even become nauseating until at least 2340."

It's been said that Fellini can stop shouting from his grave, "Ironia!  Ironia!  Ow many times must I cry out in desperation, Irony!" and rest finalmente in peace.  As for the Pulitzer committee, starting this April, they have decided to rename their esteemed prize, La Grande Bellezza.

Italy...And the Art of the Impossible

Italians love to use the expression that they are experts at the Art of the Impossible, and...judging from history...there's a lot of truth to that.  But now, the announcement by British model and Social Enterprise Entrepreneur Lily Cole to launch her life's mission, Impossible.com well, Italians see that they must step up to the plate.

Click here for full webcast from The Guardian

Surprisingly articulate for a blonde model, Lily Cole took the Italian press by a storm with her announcement to launch a social enterprise that will help people achieve their dreams.  But for Italians, the real story behind her activism was that this youthful Lily sits on boards or donates time, energy and funds to over 20 social foundations.  This sparked an outrage amongst Italian models, first among them, Carla Bruni, who stated, "Why would anyone want to actually work, when they can just marry the President of a country?  It does wonders (along with plastic surgery) for the staying power of your failed career."

Not to be outdone, Berlusconi's Friends with Big Benefits [which includes monthly stipends, jewelry, private planes and hush money], said they were announcing a new online site, too, called "Possibile" -  written in Italian so no one can ever find it - where they would teach other aspiring call girls how anything is possible if you just 'know the right people."


Ruby Rubacuore (in English, Ruby Heartstealer) said she'll teach women how to revive a flacid member in 6 minutes or less.  She says that she'll offer unique workshops on working a penis pump so even an octogenerian Lothario can believe he's all in.  The amount of money you can make is obscene; enough to buy your own sportscars or Rolex watches.  

Nicole Minetti will work the angle of teaching organizational skills for any aspiring Madam.  Her motto?  Why give away money if you don't get something in return?  She'll show women the ropes of sleeping your way around the houses of the European Parliament as well.   "The amount of money politicians are willing to throw your way? Ridiculous.  I'm so glad I can actually do something worthwhile with my riches.  By showing others how to suck at the public teat so to speak (after getting your own blown up to epic proportions) will be terrific."

Noemi Letizia who is remembered by having a visit by Silvio at her 18 yr birthday party says she's been able to capitalize on her "friendship with Papi" by finding the ideal plastic surgeon who will keep her looking like all of the President's women - with those big fish lips and ironed blonde hair.  "Anything is possible if you just close your eyes when you suck him off and dream of the gifts that will be on your way."

And finally, the Dama Bianca, Federica Gagliardi (arrested today while trying to import 24kg of coke from Venezuela) will show you how to "Just ask for favors in a quick elevator pitch (my secret: It helps to look like the Silvio 'Type' - blonde & big-lipped).  I told Papi I wanted a private jet to the G20, before you knew it, I had half a dozen men to sleep with and ply me with cocaine.  I'm so happy I can show women how to blow through the blow, so to speak. So they can be a model for others and show that they, too, can make riches and not do anything noteworthy with them (well, buying a nice villa is, of course, always a good thing in this day & age - you never know when you're under House Arrest).  

People will understand that with our new endeavor, anything is Possibile.  Anything.  So just take it lying down if someone tells you otherwise.

"Veronica" Lario - Mrs. Berlusconi 2

Italians Flip Out over Women Cabinet Members in New Renzi Govt

Italy's youngest Prime Minister decided to take a very bold step - not in campaigning against government corruption, the mafia, and a bingo card of problems that beset Italy in the 21st century - but in his appointment of an unsightly crowd to help solve Italy's most severe problems:  Women.  
Italians, in response said that it "might be fine for Pope Francis and the Holy See" to put women in plum jobs, but, asserted that Italy is a Catholic country -- where women are reserved for only one high office: The Assumption of the Virgin, celebrated each August 15th.  
Some observers from Berlusconi's government were indignant, stating that "Women, especially the young ones, need to be seen in the back seats of limos with darkened windows or at plastic surgeons' waiting rooms and after, in centerfolds or the Pirelli Calendar" - but not standing in broad daylight with the President of the country. 
To keep octogenarian President Napolitano's blood pressure in check, he was told that the women were there to take measurements for new drapes and posed happily for the 'before' pictures in the reception room.

Others from the Left -- clearly unhappy that the women were so green they hadn't yet conceived of lining their pockets with bribes in order to sport the latest fashions at top euro prices -- complained that the Cabinet members should have "Put in a call to Armani" like Berlusconi's hooker-hookerupper, Nicole Minetti.

After an all-male film crew then sexually harassed the neo-Minister Boschi; taking it so far as to not addressing her with the formal "Lei" reserved for men in power only, they said they wanted to teach her a lesson.  "How dare she wear a color not found in nature - and during fashion week, of all things!"

Observers remarked that sadly, Italians truly hate change.  They much prefer men in black and grey suits while their mistresses can sport any color of tanga produced by La Perla.  That way, they stay distracted by the 'eye candy' while the millions stuffed in leather cases are passed from one to another, without anyone noticing.  "Now with women in high office, where is she going to stuff all the bribes?  In her bra?" one developer, who asks to remain anonymous, commented in disgust.

More on the Sexist Fixation from The Daily Mail

Advertising Age: Swiss Style

On my original blog, Burnt by the Tuscan Sun, every so often I post the ridiculous ad campaign that catches my eye.  I rate them by the age of the mental faculties of the person who most decidedly thought it up.  While visiting Switzerland, however, I discovered that it isn't just the Italians who are brand-challenged.  [This is not to say that the Swiss don't usually excel in outstanding graphics and ads to promote any cause - so let's just say, it may be the exception that proves the rule].
So, I give you, Migros Stores private label fab toothpaste: 

Yes, it's true..that Candida is Latin for stark white.  And a Nova is a cool star, but it still means "NO GO" and as such, a bit ridiculous for a car brand.  Candida as any woman over the age of 14 knows is...a yeast infection.  Finding this tube of white cream on any bathroom counter provokes an acute case of head scratching; in an effort to determine just - what, exactly - this treatment is for.

A few other faithful expat bloggers have caught the Candida branding fever too.  Here they are, putting the rub on the dear ol' Swiss:

• Life in Switzerland 
• Mike the Mad Biologist
• Live Paola's Name Fail

Regardless, I still offer my hand in holy matrimony to the Italian ad-guy who thought up Soffass Toilet Paper.  Click here for blogger Married to Italy's quick review of what may now be rebranded as Sofis...

Italian Corruption: Going where (sadly, every man) has gone before

We barely finished celebrating Italy's first astronaut in space, when, the head of the ASI - Italian Space Agency has been caught with his hands (allegedly) in the multi-million euro till.  Their offices have been sequestered along with those of their suppliers - from their travel agency to their events planners.  Investigated for issuing false bills and taking multi-million euro junkets to Californian conferences that were not taking place; so much for being the pride and joy of Italy - in a year that saw their CERN researchers identify the Higgs Boson particle and sent a man into space.  Or is it, that, as a symbol of Italy, Enrico Saggese - an engineer with a whole lot of political ties - is just that? 
In his defense, he claims that these mysterious expenses were "an internal matter" and needed to be treated as such.  Nonetheless, it brings to mind that old joke about an International Space Agency - set in Geneve - looking for the right astronaut to send to a Mission to Mars:

They comb the world for an astronaut who could take on this mission.  It would last years.  You had to be nimble, ready for anything, and be a top scientist and in superb physical shape.  The Americans, the Chinese, India, S Korea, Canada...everyone is considered.  They are down to their last three candidates.

The American Astronaut comes in and says...
Well, of course, NASA has the no. 01 Space Program on earth. I've been training for years. I know every part of that ship, and could handle anything that's thrown at me.
I will do it for $600,000.

The Russian Cosmonaut sits down and states...
We were the brains behind the MIR Space Station. In the name of mother patria, we will make sure it is the best mission ever accomplished.  I am willing to leave my family, my motherland for this mission.  I will do it for $700,000.

Next, comes in the Italian astronaut.  He sits down, and with little fanfare, blurts out:
Three years?  Away from la famiglia?  I will do this job for $1 million.

Aghast, the committee Chairman says...
What? What are you talking about? Sure, your researchers are top-notch, but you don't even have any spaceships...You just sent your first man up in space!  The Americans have a space program that's been going on for decades!  The Russians have just as much experience!  What do you have to say for yourself?

The Italian gets up, shuts the door, and leans forward.  In hush tones he says...
Don't you get it?  Two-hundred for me / Two-hundred for you / and dee American goes to Mars!

To ESL Learners Everywhere: Why does Gate have to be synonymous with Scandal

I admit it, I have been fully relishing in the day by day revelations of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie's alleged bullying rampage.  Only Illinois seems to be more corrupt, and we won't get into a Chicago / New Orleans showdown.  But what I can't tolerate is the moniker most of the press have haplessly attached to a scandal about a bridge:  BridgeGate.  It makes my skin crawl just to type the word.  Must we be condemned to add the suffix -Gate to every scandal that crosses our collective radar?  By now, most people interested in the news have no idea what or why this is.  I can just imagine dictionaries today, adding this suffix to the list of possible word endings.  I can see foreigners the world over scratching their heads, "Those are toll lanes, not gates!" or "Monica-Gate? How many people was she bonking?"
While in an Italian language forum one woman cast her plea out into the world..."Can someone please tell me what is Watergate?!"  A few years ago, the online press, Il Post took it on themselves to explain, in no uncertain terms, the bizarre practice with the Italian press, posting this headline:  Why all scandals are called Gate.
But what is an even more audacious commentary on American marketing prowess, is the fact that even Italian scandals sport the Gate ending, which always makes me wonder if they pronouce it, Gah-teh; which confuses them more than ever.  Rubygate / Batman-Gate / Sexy-Gate (the scandal covered in "Vesuvian sauce") -- they even relished in New York City Mayor's eating his pizza in true Italian style, with a fork = Fork-gate.  
I need to take a break because I am writhing in pain.
But, it didn't start with the Italians.  If I am to trust my web sources (hah!), it is the fearful English-hegemony French that started it all in the first place.  In 1978, a scandal broke which was quickly dubbed, Winegate.  From there, it was a slippery slope straight down to the bottom.  Today, we are treated to Hollande-Gate or Gayet-Gate.  Help me.  Please.  Someone.  Anyone.  Although I must say, European "Gate" scandals tend to be more associated with sex scandals than with corruption.  Maybe because they're more used to brushing off the bribes?
When will another scandal be so great as to stop the gate verbage cold?  Enron - Madoff - Parmalat. Parmalat was the largest financial scandal in history.  Berlusconi's Ruby Heartstealer could be called Rubyalat (which just happens to rhyme with "a lot") or  Hollande's First-Lady problems would be Premier Dame-alat?  Anything but Gate.  

For those of you who don't know what, in reality, Watergate even stands for, it was the name of the hotel complex situated on the Potomac where President Nixon's guys broke into the Democratic National Committee Headquarters.  

Recently, the President of Rome's regional government found a bug in his office underneath a chair, which garnered almost no mention in the press.  Most of Berlusconi's convictions rest upon wire-tapping of his inner circle and his adversaries alike. People don't think twice anymore.  It's no wonder that Gate may be here to stay.  Aiuto.

Italian: A phonetic language, after all

And it kills me to think of how difficult learning English must be for poor Italians, with our bear, bare's or our threw, through, thru and so on.  And if I lived in France, I for one would be on that committee to make French phonetic.  I mean, who needs all those unpronounced consonants, really?  
But this sighting at Rome's newly vamped, multi-million euro train station & bus terminal just took the piss right out of me...I mean, you have to hand it to the Italians, who do offer for all the rest of us, much signage in multi-languages.  The USA or UK could only be so accommodating.  But, prior to Google Translate, we'd all get a big kick out of the Italianish. Post Google Translate it's even all the more risible.  But this picture, showing the way to the Metro - otherwise known as a Subway in the USA, and the Underground in London well...

Picture & full article from Il Messaggero Roman newspaper

And just to confuse you English speakers, when you do, indeed, go to London and see signs for a subway, well, that'll just take you down underneath the busy streets and up to the other side of the road - a subway in fact (or a semi-private toilet, depending on how you look at it).

Check out my latest post on Burnt by the Tuscan Sun! 
Helicopter Parents meets HR.
http://burntbythetuscansun.blogspot.it/2014/01/finding-job-in-italy-what-not-to-do.html