Italy launches Change Your Life - Change Italy program

An esteemed panel of mystical elders descended upon Italy to announce the BestProgram2015 - a sort of twinning program to bring some of Italy's brightest potential entrepreneurs to Silicon Valley - and then...to hope and pray and chant so that they actually come back home to Italy as successful entrepreneurs.
The program, called Change Your Life - Change Italy showed Italians precisely what they needed to make it in Silicon Valley:  Balls, to be precise.  Judging from our panel and the notorious chauvinism of Silicon Valley, this meritocracy need not have any XY chromosomes.
Taking place just one day after the Economist went full frontal vagina, and Samantha the Italian astronaut, sent amazing photos from the Space Station, the group of elders made their announcement: 

We chose to announce this grand program right on the doorstep of the Vatican - a fine institution that has been run by men-only for centuries.  That is what we stand for: where algorithms are our religion, we think that by taking their example, we, too, can be around for centuries as well. 

As for the participants, they said they couldn't wait to get over to the USA and learn to be successful innovators so they could stop those 'uppity women' who now lead the CERN particle accelerator, Facebook (of all things!) and - heck - even General Motors.  
They also said they couldn't wait to get back to Italy where they could then drop 54% of earnings on taxes in order to pay the politicians' bribes (they will consider it a donation), employees who can never be fired, and five times the cost of gas for their cars.  "But, hey, one optimistic participant beamed...at least cappuccino will still be a buck fifty". 

The Grinch(ess) who Stole Christmas

Don't let the scenery fool you...
almost all of the Christmas stands in Rome's
idyllic Piazza Navona are filled with crummy
tchotchkes from the dollar store

Rome, currently in a veritable tsunami of scandals, has one more reason to be down and out.  Or at least, in some circles, that is.  Mayor Ignazio Marino's transparent administration decided this year to employ Best Practices and actually ask the market stall vendors to participate in a legal bid to sell the wares this holiday season.  Instead, thinking it was business as usual, they were a no-show.  And people are bemoaning this (potential) absence of their beloved 100-year holiday tradition.
But, for the rest of us who have ever spent time at a proper Christmas market (and you don't have to travel too far to find hot spiced wine and gorgeous handicrafts from Tuscany on over to the Dolomite area or Aosta), the news was truly joyous.  
It was as if the Grinch had come down off the Capitoline Hill himself, and, instead of weeping over our loss, we all joined hands in singing out the newfound Christmas spirit -- without the schlock.  It's as if this administration was going to take a stand against the creeping of Chinese capitalism right down to the lead-painted figurines and stuffed animals probably made from dogs hair thrown live into boiling vats of water.
So, here's a shout-out to one Dott.ssa Alfonsi -- the woman behind the attempt to regulate the Christmas marketplace.  Take a trip (on us, the taxpayers who pay your salary) and ride up to Bolzano.  Enjoy a nice hot pretzel with your hot wine.  And then, re-write a bid system that disallows any item that isn't crafted by hand in the Bel Paese [and I don't mean the hand of tiny Chinese children enslaved in sweat shops on the outskirts of Napoli].

Take a look:
This is what Christmas markets look like

Religious Figure Barbie & Ken Dolls Upset Church

In September 2014, the artists Pool & Maria Lena launched their provocative art show showing their own vision of religious icons and what they may mean today.  With Jesus Ken and Virgin Barbie, they proposed a number of figures reinterpreted from scripture, much to the consternation of the Catholic church.*

Representatives from across the Catholic clergy protested as a mockery of their faith this "art installation" - one depicting a Ken/Martyred Saint Sebastian with the colors of the gay rainbow.  Citing the blaspheme of presenting such figures, a spokesman said, "We do not think its right for people to use likenesses in this way.  We don't care if Barbie and Ken are the most-sold figures in the history of mankind.  Clearly the toy industry is not taking into consideration the billions of cheap plastic figures sold right in St Peter's Square and in gift shops of the Virgin, the Holy Family, and pretty much every other figure in the gospels.  Not to mention at Christmastime, when you can even have a teddy bear holy family in your manger."
Another bishop added, "These dolls contribute to the loss of innocence of children the world over. Only those of us - men of the cloth - should be allowed to defile our church and the tender lambs in our midst."

As for the artists, they believe that they have served art well; through their figures, they openly ask if religion can be reduced to a few icons. In response, the faithful the world over just made a collective shrug of their shoulders -- indicating clearly, that they had no idea what these artists were on about... 
As one person put it, with no irony whatsoever, "Despite all our efforts and our global sales of literally millions of these items, we've got nothing on the Colosseum-it's still the most-sold item in Rome."


* While the artists actually depicted religious figures from many different faiths, it was pointed out that they neglected to produce a figure of Mohammed...

Italy's Prime Minister Renzi goes for a Triple Dip

Photo from l'Espresso Magazine

As news of Italy entering a Triple-Dip Recession came in on the economic front, Italy's Prime Minister Renzi decided to celebrate by offering scoops of gelato to the clearly stressed & distressed employees of Palazzo Chigi, the seat of Italy's President.  Citing that they "Only earn 2.4 times the salary of Barack Obama," they needed some cheering up.    After all, Renzi continued, "To get a triple dip is as difficult as those triple flips dynamic gymnasts do at the Olympics.  My people work hard to get us where we are today.  It takes guts to gut a country - just see what Silvio did - so here's some buon gelato helping to help those who need it least."  A Renzi spokesperson added, "We're humanizing government.  These poor State employees have to face 'il rientro' from their 6-week holidays.  It's tough the first day back. I mean, the traffic! Our poor chauffeurs! It's a jungle out there."

Since his ice cream man stunt which was lampooned across social media left, right and center, Italy has since entered into a full-scale depression.  In response, Renzi, for his part said, "Depression? Isn't that the lovely recess where they put those lovely scoops of ice cream to make a fabulous sundae? Sounds delizioso!"

Despite all the criticism, people close to the Prime Minister remarked: "I'd rather see ice cream dished out here in cones than lathered upon call girls or another sort of cone in the private quarters of our Last Emperor, Silvio."

And, in case you're wondering where he got the inspiration, click here to hear Paolo Conte's excellent song, Un Gelato al Limon.

Garbage in your park? Rome decides if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!

'La Bellezza sulla Monnezza'
Beauty wins over the Garbage Beast
photo from RomaToday

In an audacious move by Roma Capitale - or the Rome Municipality, the City decided to seriously 'think out of the box' and take on a new approach to garbage collection. By removing all the garbage cans* from one of its rather large parks. This experiment was launched on May 1st, and for the most part, was deemed somewhat successful. While more people brought their garbage out of the park nearer the large containers, they did see a larger accumulation around the canisters still left standing.
"The fact that people actually bothered to bring the garbage to one place rather than just leave it where they were picnicking for us is a huge success," remarked the AMA Garbage guys.  We hope that it catches on and more and more people who enjoy the park, actually take out what they put in.
Two months on, however, residents are reporting more and more garbage going uncollected than ever before. To the point that one of the rivers feeding into the Tiber has its very own garbage dam - made entirely of plastic bottles and reeds. 
"If nothing else, we've lightened the load on our work hours and workers. I mean, driving around the park every once in awhile and pretending we were doing it on a weekly basis was really maddening for all concerned. Now we just don't do it. This is one for transparent government."

*True story - only the quotes are made up (as usual)

Italy still Denying that Women can Rock

Touting itself as, "The best major festival in Italy" [I know, I know, damn that GoogleTranslate!!] every summer our Italian Post Office sponsors a total man-fest Rock in Roma concert series, blatantly keeping women out of the program, six years running. Clearly, Italy, despite gifting us a string of hugely talented and successful women rockers, including awesome voices like Gerardina Trovato - the Tracy Chapman of Sicily - Georgia and Fiorella Mannoia, still prefers the comfort of a caveman existence, highlighted by the playlist coming out of the Rock & Roll show.

Organizers state, "Well, we need to keep up with Mali and Saudi Arabia. Their concert series attract thousands."  Before adding, "With this new Pope, even Vatican concerts are more inclusive. Someone's gotta keep women out of the picture. And besides, Madonna, Katy Perry and Lady Gaga act too much like divas. They want to sing, let 'em go to Perugia Jazz Festival.

Once you get your head around the fact that the bankrupt Post Office should be sponsoring anything, (clearly taking a cue from the U.S. Post Office sponsoring the Tour de France bicycle race, an event that went out of the American public's consciousness about when letter-sending did), you wonder what form of machismo is their artistic director made of.  Heck, with photos like this, they could even take the daring step and invite Conchita Wurst, the Eurovision contest winner, and keep to their XY chromosome entry bar.

Here are the 2013 and 2014 Rosters - You can go back even further here -- and try to find the girl groups (in bold below). Of course, with names like Smack my bitch up and Symphony of Destruction, obviously it's a guy-thang.

2014 ROCK IN ROMA LINEUP

GIUDA + THE CYBORGS                                                                 

QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE + WE ARE SCIENTISTS             

BILLY IDOL + JESUS WAS HOMELESS                

AVENGED SEVENFOLD

THIRTY SECONDS TO MARS

PRODIGY /  DIE ANTWOORD    

ARCADE FIRE

ROB ZOMBIE / MEGADETH 

DAVID GUETTA

METTALICA + ALICE IN CHAINS

THE BLACK KEYS

THE LUMINEERS + PASSENGER

PAOLO NUTINI + THE RAINBAND

EDITORS

CAPAREZZA

PLACEBO - well, they have one woman on stage

BASTILLE + GEORGE EZRA

AFTERHOURS 

FRANZ FERDINAND + THE CRIBS

————————————————————— 

201E ROCK IN ROMA LINEUP

MY BLOODY VALENTINE

GREEN DAY

THE KILLERS 

STEREOPHONICS

TOTO

KORN

BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE

IGGY & THE STOOGES

MAX GAZE’

RAMMSTEIN

ARCTIC MONKEYS

MILES KANE

SPRINGSTEEN

MARK KNOPFLER & BAND

SMASHING PUMPKINS

MARK LANEGAN BAND

ATOMS FOR PEACE

SKA-P

DEEP PURPLE

ZUCCHERO 

DANIELE SILVESTRI

NEIL YOUNG

DEVENDRA BANHART

SIGUR ROS

BLUR NEGRITA

THE CURE 

GARBAGE

NINA ZILLI 

And, lest you think it's because women don't rock hard, even names like Neil Young and The Beach Boys are listed. So where's Blondie, Pat Benatar or even, Tracy Chapman?  And, just to fool you into thinking there are women groups, they've added groups like Nigrita or Devendra (pictured above) - but, no, if you're a woman rocker, better to be out of sight, out of ear shot for PostePay,  Live Nation and co-sponsors City of Rome, Corriere della Sera, and others.

"Look, we're sponsored by the Post Office. All those women tellers stand behind thick glass windows so you can't hear a word they're saying. And in Italy, we still call them PostMen - il Postino - just like the movie. And besides, have you ever seen a woman delivering mail?  We're just upholding a long-standing tradition."

La Grande Bellezza Receives Pulitzer Grand Prize - Journalism's Highest Honor

§  La Grande Bellezza  §

Sorrentino's Oscar-winning & film and tribute to Fellini has been recognized by cultural commentators the world over for giving the world a new nauseating description for italophiles of the 21st century.  The title of his film, displacing the hackneyed La Dolce Vita when referring to every single aspect of Italian life, sweet or not, we now have a new term of phrase.  

According to Google, La Grande Bellezza has already been used in the English and Italian press to describe everything from a night out in Rome to walking tours to Italian runway models and even the Detroit Auto Show - Really?! - over 6.789.438.000 times (and counting).  So much so, the NYTimes is considering mounting a fast-paced time clock just ringing up whenever someone - anyone - from Saskatchewan to Seattle uses the phrase in a blog, article, newsletter, profile, you name it.  A spokesperson for the Times commented, "Well, this is so much more important - I mean, it took centuries for Et Tu, Brutus? to die out.  We think La Grande Bellezza won't even become nauseating until at least 2340."

It's been said that Fellini can stop shouting from his grave, "Ironia!  Ironia!  Ow many times must I cry out in desperation, Irony!" and rest finalmente in peace.  As for the Pulitzer committee, starting this April, they have decided to rename their esteemed prize, La Grande Bellezza.

Italian: A phonetic language, after all

And it kills me to think of how difficult learning English must be for poor Italians, with our bear, bare's or our threw, through, thru and so on.  And if I lived in France, I for one would be on that committee to make French phonetic.  I mean, who needs all those unpronounced consonants, really?  
But this sighting at Rome's newly vamped, multi-million euro train station & bus terminal just took the piss right out of me...I mean, you have to hand it to the Italians, who do offer for all the rest of us, much signage in multi-languages.  The USA or UK could only be so accommodating.  But, prior to Google Translate, we'd all get a big kick out of the Italianish. Post Google Translate it's even all the more risible.  But this picture, showing the way to the Metro - otherwise known as a Subway in the USA, and the Underground in London well...

Picture & full article from Il Messaggero Roman newspaper

And just to confuse you English speakers, when you do, indeed, go to London and see signs for a subway, well, that'll just take you down underneath the busy streets and up to the other side of the road - a subway in fact (or a semi-private toilet, depending on how you look at it).

Check out my latest post on Burnt by the Tuscan Sun! 
Helicopter Parents meets HR.
http://burntbythetuscansun.blogspot.it/2014/01/finding-job-in-italy-what-not-to-do.html

Saint Silvio's Community Service

As things look for one Silvio Berlusconi, he never would have served any jail time for his convictions anyway.   His four years already were reduced to one, and then his age, while not preventing him to be locked up in a basement with a pole dancer at his villa in Sardinia, prevents him from actually being behind bars.
And so, his other option was In House Arrest or Community Service.
I have to say, I was not so surprised when Silvio stated that Community Service would be beneath him.  
But still, wasn't this the same guy who professed - even under oath - that all he truly wanted to do was "help out a few girls" maybe get a head start on their 'beauty' salons? What greater honor than perhaps working with women to get them off the streets.  I'm sure he has plenty of apartments where they could live nicely, with stipend.

But seriously, while Italians are quite generous with volunteer time and giving, there is not much in the way of leaving your name on a building, setting up richly funded foundations, starting universities on a scale like Rockefeller or Carnegie Mellon, or Kresge.  Sure, there are plenty of foundations, but usually, one finds these ultra-rich purchasing art & villas for their offspring, rather than create something for the good of the community.
What a legacy Silvio could have left if only he used his money or his elbow grease for doing good works?  Instead of pretending to purchase a villa in Lampedusa, maybe creating a village like Milano II - but to house those immigrants who actually make our shores, rather than keeping them behind high fences.
Although, one could argue...looking at the showgirls he plucked from obscurity to land choice jobs feeding at the public trough, he did, indeed, take a few women off the streets, or in the very least, off the pages of nude mags.
Maybe he can argue that he's already served the community all these years - with his personal brand of public service.

The Holy Sites - A sight for sore eyes?

Or, the real reason it's called the wailing wall.

It is a right of passage for visitors to Rome, often in for a three-day extravaganza, to ponder the ordeal (and it is an ordeal) of heading over to Vatican City for a day in the Museums (commonly called The Sistine Chapel, which has almost nothing to do with the museums themselves). In reply, I often quip: Just buy the book - you'll thank me later.  This has nothing to do with what I truly think of the museum experience, and especially the Sistine ceiling. After all, as Sister Wendy (of PBS/BBC fame) states in my very own loveable audioguide, there, you find yourself standing within an artwork - and with Michelangelo's masterpiece, what a work of art it is!  But decades after I first tramped through the hours-long lines to get into the museums, only to find myself so exhausted at the end to not even have the energy to so much crane my neck, well...I've often given this advice.  I have yet met a person who has truly enjoyed the full Monty Vatican museum experience.  Post visit, they speak of it enthusiastically, but more like something they've survived, like an elephant stampede whilst on safari.  To this day, I still cannot understand why the Vatican doesn't just relent and let the 5.2 million tourists simply bolt up that short, sweet, Bramante staircase to gaze up at the ceiling for their requisite 2.5 minutes, let them check it off their 'been there / done that' list and bolt right back down as if one of the horses that may have taken that very staircase and now needed to pee -- really badly.  Leaving the 400,000 or so who truly desire to view the artworks, rooms,  tapestries, heck even the ugly contemporary religious works to do so at their leisure.  As it stands (and you'll be doing an awful lot of that), you end up feeling you are on a rich, but exhausting pilgrimage -- only to find yourself deposited in the most chaotic place on earth; inside a Chapel that is reminiscent of the Roman Forum during the Circenses.  Whereas most people speak in hushed tones when entering a place of worship, for some reason (and maybe because of the walk of sorrows to get there), people burst at the seams upon entering the Sistine Chapel.  Add to this the automated announcements blaring SILENCE! SILENZIO! at 7 minute intervals and in 43 languages, well, you begin to wonder if Michelangelo didn't have it all backwards; and we are the ones in his version of Hell; not the guys depicted up on the wall.
Okay, so what does this all have to do with Israel?  Believe me, it's all connected, seeing that that's the place where it all began.  But a visit to the Holy spots in and around Jerusalem, and in particular, the Church of the Sepulchre, well, I had the same spiritual experience; the one in which I thought I was going to meet my maker alright -- by being crushed to death by cruise ship passengers donning baseball caps (inside a church?) as they pushed and shoved to get a closer glimpse of whatever it was in their line of vision (I don't know, I could only see the backs of baseball caps).  Looking up, you can tell it is an amazing place, and, I'm sure for millions, quite over-the-top when it comes to items on your religious to-do list.  But my experience here left me with a headache; my more religious friends running out the doors to shake the crowds even faster than I -- Turns out that after lighting your candle, a priest quickly whisks them all away so new candles may be lit.  My friend didn't want to witness the fate of the candle he had traveled so long to illumine and shot out the door. 

- praying for time ticketing
in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre - 

Jerusalem is home to all of the great monotheistic religions, and so you can get the same religious experience no matter where you went.  Even at the Kotel - or Western Wall  [click here for the webcam].  We were there to attend a Bar Mitzvah, but to our surprise, so were dozens and dozens of other families. The boys, their extended families, their Rabbis and their Torahs were swept into the area, while hundreds of women precariously perched upon plastic chairs around the perimeter tried to catch a glimpse of the ceremonies below.  People inside pushed and shoved other groups for space, other visitors made their way to pray, ambulances stood on the ready while thousands more milled about on the slope and marching soldiers came by, guns strapped across their chests.  We were all so close, I got to cheer on two boys at once - with women swapping stories and candies amongst ourselves, as if the next of kin.  The experience was quite unique, and, out there with the women tossing candies, celebratory -- but spiritual?  I would have preferred a peaceful spot under an olive tree to the dodge'em car experience of vying for a space in the piazza, and later on sidewalks while heaving masses headed into the bowels of waiting tour buses just beyond.
Finally on our own bus and nestled in the quiet space of my very own seat, I was moved to recite my own prayer giving thanks for having survived my day of spirituality.  And while the Dome of the Rock beckoned in the sun, I thanked God that Mecca was not in Jerusalem as well.