Garbage in your park? Rome decides if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!

'La Bellezza sulla Monnezza'
Beauty wins over the Garbage Beast
photo from RomaToday

In an audacious move by Roma Capitale - or the Rome Municipality, the City decided to seriously 'think out of the box' and take on a new approach to garbage collection. By removing all the garbage cans* from one of its rather large parks. This experiment was launched on May 1st, and for the most part, was deemed somewhat successful. While more people brought their garbage out of the park nearer the large containers, they did see a larger accumulation around the canisters still left standing.
"The fact that people actually bothered to bring the garbage to one place rather than just leave it where they were picnicking for us is a huge success," remarked the AMA Garbage guys.  We hope that it catches on and more and more people who enjoy the park, actually take out what they put in.
Two months on, however, residents are reporting more and more garbage going uncollected than ever before. To the point that one of the rivers feeding into the Tiber has its very own garbage dam - made entirely of plastic bottles and reeds. 
"If nothing else, we've lightened the load on our work hours and workers. I mean, driving around the park every once in awhile and pretending we were doing it on a weekly basis was really maddening for all concerned. Now we just don't do it. This is one for transparent government."

*True story - only the quotes are made up (as usual)

European Taxi Drivers Uber-challenge: Beat them at their own illegal tricks

In a bizarre twist of karma, Taxi Drivers throughout Europe staged a strike to express their dismay with potential passengers, who, in their opinion, are not respecting the law. Uber, the car sharing app was launched in Europe, but no one knew about it until the taxis decided that passengers actually paying the right price for trips around town might threaten their monopoly on shaking down customers outright.  
As one taxi driver put it, "Are you kidding me? They pay only about 30 bucks to hop all in one car from the airport.  We charge over 100 for that kind of service - and with it, we give you a tour of all Milan or Rome before getting you to your destination. Beat that, Uber!"
In Italy, taxis were on strike, but no one even noticed, since they sit at their stations all day instead of actually carting passengers around town like in many other metropolises.  Another driver put it simply, "We can sit around all day if we like.  We just keep raising the rates. You know, it helps us offset the lack of passengers - we don't know why they'd prefer low-cost, heck, even air-conditioned vehicles. That's not what urban mobility is about, ya know what I mean?"
Another added, "Look--I make my living out of cheating customers. It's just how it's done. Foreigners? I double the meter. Sometimes I turn it off altogether. Or tell 'em it has to be a fixed rate for short distances. Bags, extra. Inside the city, outside the city, if you can double the meter at least three times a day, you're making it good. But it's not that easy. You think we're going to let these guys come in and provide a fixed low-cost price list for transport services?" 

UBER is a pusher in corrupt Milano - Outlaws
(irony not included)

But UBER, had the last laugh. I had no idea 'til today that the service even existed in Europe. Post-European wide strike, subscriptions went up by 850%. And just to show the taxis that they are a company well-versed in supply & demand, they even decided to lower their tariffs by 20%.  After all, everyone knows that taxi cab advertising garners the greatest number of hits. 

Italy's Prime Minister Renzi and the Million Euro Giveaway!

Well, make that 80 euro. But, if you multiply that figure by the number of people who received some extra dosh in the mail, well, you're pretty much feeling like the recipient of a Nigerian Prince's bounty. But in the interest of Par Condicio, since I took Berlusconi to task for the same practice [See Burnt by the Tuscan Sun's - Buying Votes with Public Money], I thought I'd give you the inside scoop on what, exactly, is going through Renzi & Cos. minds after conjuring up the Big Giveaway (of course, after counting the votes up that'd he'd get in response):

Photo by Bern as published in
Libero Quotidiano

80 Euro! Do you know what you can buy for that...!  Why, you can buy 10 pizza pies -- that's nearly one per month! That'll really get the economy rolling...

80 Euro! That's nearly a one-way trip on a super-fast (well, okay..not-so-fast) train from Rome to Milano.  Too bad, you won't be able to get out, but the 80 would take you as far as say...Parma! And, they have terrific prosciutto to boot.  Imagine the taste of that prosciutto after you've been buying lowcost counterfeit prosciutto from Albania all these years just to save a few bucks.  It'll melt right in your mouth.

80 Euro! Well, since I'm about to raise the garbage tax and a few others...it actually, will come out in the wash...but, don't tell anyone I said so. Especially that guy Grillo. He'll go ballistic.

80 Euro! By my calculations, that's roughly one and a half tanks of gas.  Now, that may not sound like much, but think about it--In those terms, you'll start riding a bicycle and that's good for the environment! So, it's a Win-Win-Win kinda deal...I win election, the environment wins, and you win too - as long as you don't spend it on gasoline...that is.

Italy still Denying that Women can Rock

Touting itself as, "The best major festival in Italy" [I know, I know, damn that GoogleTranslate!!] every summer our Italian Post Office sponsors a total man-fest Rock in Roma concert series, blatantly keeping women out of the program, six years running. Clearly, Italy, despite gifting us a string of hugely talented and successful women rockers, including awesome voices like Gerardina Trovato - the Tracy Chapman of Sicily - Georgia and Fiorella Mannoia, still prefers the comfort of a caveman existence, highlighted by the playlist coming out of the Rock & Roll show.

Organizers state, "Well, we need to keep up with Mali and Saudi Arabia. Their concert series attract thousands."  Before adding, "With this new Pope, even Vatican concerts are more inclusive. Someone's gotta keep women out of the picture. And besides, Madonna, Katy Perry and Lady Gaga act too much like divas. They want to sing, let 'em go to Perugia Jazz Festival.

Once you get your head around the fact that the bankrupt Post Office should be sponsoring anything, (clearly taking a cue from the U.S. Post Office sponsoring the Tour de France bicycle race, an event that went out of the American public's consciousness about when letter-sending did), you wonder what form of machismo is their artistic director made of.  Heck, with photos like this, they could even take the daring step and invite Conchita Wurst, the Eurovision contest winner, and keep to their XY chromosome entry bar.

Here are the 2013 and 2014 Rosters - You can go back even further here -- and try to find the girl groups (in bold below). Of course, with names like Smack my bitch up and Symphony of Destruction, obviously it's a guy-thang.

2014 ROCK IN ROMA LINEUP

GIUDA + THE CYBORGS                                                                 

QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE + WE ARE SCIENTISTS             

BILLY IDOL + JESUS WAS HOMELESS                

AVENGED SEVENFOLD

THIRTY SECONDS TO MARS

PRODIGY /  DIE ANTWOORD    

ARCADE FIRE

ROB ZOMBIE / MEGADETH 

DAVID GUETTA

METTALICA + ALICE IN CHAINS

THE BLACK KEYS

THE LUMINEERS + PASSENGER

PAOLO NUTINI + THE RAINBAND

EDITORS

CAPAREZZA

PLACEBO - well, they have one woman on stage

BASTILLE + GEORGE EZRA

AFTERHOURS 

FRANZ FERDINAND + THE CRIBS

————————————————————— 

201E ROCK IN ROMA LINEUP

MY BLOODY VALENTINE

GREEN DAY

THE KILLERS 

STEREOPHONICS

TOTO

KORN

BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE

IGGY & THE STOOGES

MAX GAZE’

RAMMSTEIN

ARCTIC MONKEYS

MILES KANE

SPRINGSTEEN

MARK KNOPFLER & BAND

SMASHING PUMPKINS

MARK LANEGAN BAND

ATOMS FOR PEACE

SKA-P

DEEP PURPLE

ZUCCHERO 

DANIELE SILVESTRI

NEIL YOUNG

DEVENDRA BANHART

SIGUR ROS

BLUR NEGRITA

THE CURE 

GARBAGE

NINA ZILLI 

And, lest you think it's because women don't rock hard, even names like Neil Young and The Beach Boys are listed. So where's Blondie, Pat Benatar or even, Tracy Chapman?  And, just to fool you into thinking there are women groups, they've added groups like Nigrita or Devendra (pictured above) - but, no, if you're a woman rocker, better to be out of sight, out of ear shot for PostePay,  Live Nation and co-sponsors City of Rome, Corriere della Sera, and others.

"Look, we're sponsored by the Post Office. All those women tellers stand behind thick glass windows so you can't hear a word they're saying. And in Italy, we still call them PostMen - il Postino - just like the movie. And besides, have you ever seen a woman delivering mail?  We're just upholding a long-standing tradition."

Buon Giorno, Putin! Have we gotta deal for you!

Photo from Il Fatto Quotidiano

In the middle of Italy's prolonged economic crisis, which is still ongoing, Berlusconi's Defense Minister La Russo decided to throw motor oil atop the festering flames of a population forced to hear "we don't have the money" for nursery schools or hospital toilet paper or school repairs. He did what any despotic dictator would do, and purchased 19 Maserati's for his cronies errr...commanders to the tune of 2.2 M euro. Saying they were low budget items, like no-name brand toothpaste, he said that he not only saved the country money vis-a-vis Audi's, but that it helped create jobs for those poor folks slaving away on the Maserati assembly line. After all, it was a world economic crisis and those cars just weren't in high demand.
This year, many of these infamous auto blu - dark blue sedans for politicians - went up for auction, as part of an austerity program instigated by, I believe, former short-term Prime Minister, Monti. And while most of the standard cars (about 200) went for sale, it seems no one - not even the idly rich political class wants to pay the VAT (Value Added Tax) on a used vehicle.
So, the government went to ebay.
Unfortunately, it appears that the dark windows and bullet-proof doors aren't for everyone. Not even the mafia nor the camorra.  
So, Silvio?  You're good friends with Putin...why don't you play the middleman? I'm sure these kinds of cars are in big demand over there.  And maybe the Italian government would even give you a percentage on the deal. 

Berlusconi Does Community Service

A new media petition asking, What would you have Silvio do?

Silvio's cool 'Get out of Jail Free' card got him closer to his wish of community service - he has asked to work in a geriatric home or disabled center.  So, finally, after 20 years in politics, someone will actually see the benefits; albeit only once a week (am or pm).  Or will they?  

I think the septuagenerian Berlusconi will provide a public service by paying for face lifts - boob jobs - and penile implants for all.  Here, I've compiled the best of Italian humor on how he's going to be spending his time...

Cleaning the halls of one of his villas

Silvio the crooner - known for his 'entertainments'

Italy's near-90 yr old President
hopes that Silvio gets to assist the elderly

[Italians use 'sweep' to signify to 'screw']
So, here...
You loved to sweep, so enjoy!

 

Mussolini loses his citizenship

In what some people thought was an April Fool's joke on the part of city administrators of Torino (Turin), Benito Mussolini was stripped of his place of honor of nearly a century as an upright citizen of Torino.  
"And you people thought that giving keys to the City was just a matter of pomp.  Just know, we can give you the keys and generations later, when we re-write history, we can take them away," remarked Torino's Mayor.

Fascism - from the Etruscan & later
Roman Empire idea
that bound together (with fasces)
we are strong

While they 'whited out' Mussolini's citizenship from the storied ledgers and restored their place in history as anti-fascist, officials chose to whitewash Torino's birthplace of the Kings of Italy.  Victor Emanuel III of the House of Savoy is the guy who brought Mussolini to power after WWI, appointing him Prime Minister at the age of 39 and with no prior experience in politics.  When the monarchy was voted out after WWII, Victor fled to live out his last days in Alexandria, Egypt, a bit like Marc Anthony back in better times.  
The House of Savoy was exiled and its male descendants not permitted to re-enter Italy -- until 2002 -- after Italians realized that, due to centuries of in-breeding, the family was pretty much innocuous -- And besides, they couldn't inflict much more damage than the Italian politicians themselves (from either party), including Berlusconi, Prodi & Co.
Clearly suffering an identity complex, no sooner was the heir, Victor Emanuel, allowed in the country than he took a cue from Berlusconi, and was arrested for abetting prostitution and corruption.  Not to be outdone, the Savoys then tried to sue Italy for damages done to them following their 20th century reign. Italy counter-sued for damages, and, the Italian courts expect a decision sometime in the year 2167.  The Jewish community, almost exterminated entirely under the Savoy reign, is still waiting for damages as well.

When asked about Mussolini's place in history, showman and former Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, and Putin pal, put it best:

"Mussolini never killed anyone. 

At most, he just sent people for vacation on the border." 

After the vote, and in a rare moment of sheer lucidity, some of the Torino cabinet from the extreme Lega Party demanded that Torino change the name of one of its major thoroughfares, the Avenue of the Soviet Union.  
Seeing how events are unfolding in Crimea, the Mayoral office decided to take a 'wait and see attitude' - citing, "You never know, like Alessandra Mussolini, or Alemanno, the fascist Mayor of Rome, there's always time for a comeback-just ask Putin. Or Berlusconi."


*Veritas Check:  Incredibly, everything in this post is entirely true except the quotes from the Torino Mayoral office.